you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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