just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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