I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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