Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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