so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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