Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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