i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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