He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
