party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
