i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
