i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
