GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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