She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
