I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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