Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
