Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
