i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
