Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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