She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
