How's work?
Spinning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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