I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
