the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
