so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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