GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
