At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
