Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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