I need help removing her.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
