So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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