But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
