just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
