the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
