I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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