weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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