i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
