Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
