Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
