remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
