oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
