My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
