he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
