I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
