My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
