mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
