She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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