I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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