I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
