i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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