Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
