she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
