Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
